The Summer from Hell

This one is scary for me. We'll see how far I get.

We entered the summer from hell upon our return from John’s Hopkins. One way to illustrate how those two months felt is to listen to Los Lonely Boys’ tune “Heaven”.

Save me from this prison

Lord help me get away

Cuz only you can save me now

From this misery

I’ve been lost in my own place

And I’m gettin’ weary

How far is heaven

And I know that I need to change

My ways of livin’.

How far is heaven

Lord can you tell me

I’ve been locked up way too long

In this crazy world

How far is heaven

And I just keep on prayin’ lord

And just keep on livin’

How far is heaven

yeah lord can you tell me

how far is heaven

I just got to know how far yeah

How far is heaven

Yeah Lord can you tell me

Cuz I know there’s a better place

Than this place I’m livin’

How far is heaven

And I just got to have some faith

And just keep on givin’

How far is heaven

Yeah Lord can you tell me

How far is heaven

I just gotta know how far yeah

How far is heaven

Yeah Lord can you tell me

How far is heaven

I just gotta know how far

I just want to know how far

Now that I’ve transcribed the lyrics I’m not sure I can or should write any more about that August and September in 2007. My husband and I were prisoners in our own home dealing with multiple violent tantrums a day. Marcus was out of control in the extreme. We were hit, kicked, spit on and cursed at. Nothing we did seemed to make a difference, in fact, things got worse. What was he trying to tell us? In the end, what he was telling us was that he needed more than what we were capable of giving him at the time. This stands as the single hardest realization I’ve had as a mother – I couldn’t do it.

I’ll have to come back to this later. Too painful.