Two days in

This is the second day Marcus has been back to school after his suspension. What a journey. We finally had the superintendent's hearing on Monday morning, followed by the CSE. It was Marcus's first time at a CSE meeting and I was pretty impressed with how he handled it. He was able to apologize to the two women he had hurt during his meltdown. I felt like they were looking at me like "there's the mom of this kid." What I mean is that I felt like I had done something wrong to have a kid who would hit them. It was hard to "read" their faces; I had the distinct feeling that, while they accepted his apology, they didn't particularly like it.

I think we came up with a good plan for him to get back to school. I was pleased that the school seemed committed to setting things up for maximum success this time. We all had to take a step back and realize that we underestimated how difficult it would be for Marcus to transition to high school. The new plan has him in a self-contained classroom (exclusion in exclusion) instead of traveling between classes. There is an empty classroom next to this one that they set up for Marcus as a space to chill, calm down, and get some sensory stuff. The goal is to have him spend more and more time in his actual classroom but starting with having him be at school without incident. So far we have one day down. They also shortened his day temporarily so that he arrives after the bus hubbub and leaves before it starts.

A very cool thing is that his former clinician volunteered to come work as his one-to-one aide. How much does that say about how lovable Marcus is?! I am so grateful to Joe for doing this. It really gives Marcus a fighting chance to be successful.

Cautiously exhaling...

Still on hold

We are still waiting to hear anything from the school district about the superintendent's hearing. It's now 6 days. By law, they are supposed to have the hearing and a CSE meeting within 5 days. Nobody really cares about the law around children with disabilities. There appear to be no consequences. Except on families, of course.

Morris and I are playing tag with staying home with Marcus while trying to work. He has the day off today so I had time for a meeting, a blood test, and now I'm at a coffee shop working on my book (and writing this:)). I suppose I'm "lucky" that my job has flexibility around time. That means I am the person who stays with him while Morris works, missing meetings and any other office based activities. His schedule is tighter. Oh, and in its wisdom, the school scheduled a meeting with me tomorrow morning that I can't take Marcus to. Huh?! Here is a kid who can't come to school due to emotional upheaval and I'm supposed to leave him alone while I come to talk about how they are not ready to take him back!

I've had several phone calls with them. "You know it's not our fault the one-to-one aide quit" "But we do want Marcus back" "We are not ready" I'm completely fed up. I've called the district office everyday to ask about the hearing - no response at all. In the meantime, Marcus is not in school and, in effect, being denied an education required by law. Oh, but it's no one's fault.

From bad to worse

Yesterday, Marcus's high school called the police for a mental health arrest. I got the call after he was on his way to the hospital. Halpern claims they can't manage him. I have no idea what they expect me to do now.

Marcus has really been struggling at the school. Lot's of bullying and he reacts with aggression. I'm not sure what the trigger was yesterday, but evidently he physically attacked five people, two of whom had to seek medical attention. He was out of control. It embarrasses me (maybe shames me) to write this about my son. But my purpose in this blog is to tell the truth so that other families with children like Marcus don't feel alone. And I hope that these stories about school will give educators some insight into their own practices.

Let's remember, however, that the one-to-one aide quit before the first day so the school was out of compliance and, more importantly, Marcus did not have what he needed to be successful. Plus, we learned at the hospital that Marcus had been hiding his medication and not taking it. That one's on us. Halpern staff has only known him for five days so they don't know the real Marcus - the sweet, funny, imaginative young man. Now they only see a criminal; surprising given these are trained professionals in a school for children whose least restrictive environment is day treatment.

Now we are in a holding pattern while we wait for a superintendent's hearing to determine his fate. By law this is supposed to happen within five days but no one seems to follow the law. I feel confident in saying that Halpern doesn't want him. No matter that they are required by law to provide an education for my son and are the only ones around who are trained to do so. It seems very apparent now that Marcus needs the intense support of residential placement again. He would go to day treatment (school) there. Hopefully the CSE will approve that. Otherwise I have no idea what will happen.

Marcus is home and terrified about what might happen. He wants to apologize to the people he hurt. He wants to go back to school. He is completely freaked about juvenile hall or jail. Someone thought it would be smart to scare him straight. Geez, thanks for nothing. What he did is serious and it was assault, and he cannot do it again, but come on. He might be 6'2 and soon to be 14 (this Friday!), but he's very young emotionally and this sort of thing doesn't help. Not sure what will though.

First week of high school

I needed a day to recover from Marcus's first week of high school. He started at Halpern Education Center on Wednesday, September 7. The first day went okay. He had trouble sneezing on people. Needless to say they didn't like it and it engendered grossed out kids. Then someone called him the "f" word (read a derogatory term for gay men). He hit the kid on the back of the head with a notebook. I got a call from the school, but they ended up leaving a message. I wasn't able to find out what happened to the kid who called him the name. I find that usually nothing happens to them.

Day two was a disaster. I was there in the morning for an intake meeting with the psychiatrist. Typical stuff. I saw Marcus and he seemed fine. Well... got a call just before I was walking in to teach my Thursday night class. I heard screaming in the background. Their story was that Marcus had run out of the building, tried to get back in by trying to smash a window. Other kids started to get upset. Some kids tried to attack him, he tried to attack them. He threw chairs and went after staff. He says someone said, "don't sit in that chair or you'll turn into a zombie" (talking about a chair Marcus had sneezed on). He lost it. He ran outside. He rationalized trying to break the window by saying they wouldn't let him back in the building otherwise.

Morris had to go pick him up because they refused to put him on the bus and he had to take him into school the next morning for a meeting. Oh, did I mention the one-to-one aide that Marcus is supposed to have according to his IEP quit the day before school so he didn't have one?! They were real sorry. Now I know it wasn't their fault, but they were still out of compliance and my son was taking the consequences. He had a one-to-one for a reason, clearly. I know Marcus can't behave like this and that we have to figure out a way to deal, but they have to follow the law too. And they have to deal with the teasing and name calling. He's been called the "f" word and the "n" word more times than I can count and so far, the name caller has had no consequences. Marcus feels like no one listens to him. I'd run out of the building too.

Day three went well thank goodness. Here's hoping to put together a string of these.

Trail of destruction

I haven't posted for a few days. There are a couple of reasons. One is that I was surprised no one offered any comments to my last post. I was genuinely desperate for help. Two, I'm struggling. In the past week Marcus has escalated his "accidents". My back door screen is missing, we needed a new fish tank because he cracked the old one by putting a plate down too hard next to it, and his glass iMac computer screen was shattered when he lost control of a big stick he was spinning around in his room. His response was that "it still works!" So not the point. Then his OCD kicked in and he HAD to systematically remove all the glass no matter what I said. He had a full blown tantrum and destroyed his room over I don't even remember what. I know there are other things that I am not even remembering now.

I'm starting to have that numb feeling again. A friend of mine told me today that he thinks Marcus needs to go into a group home. I don't know how I feel about this. I'm surprised that I didn't immediately say or even think "no". Then I'm seized by guilt. What kind of mother am I to even think about placing him in a group home? I'm supposed to be able to do this. But I remember realizing that Marcus needed more support than I knew how to give when we placed him in residential. Are we back there again?

Just as I hit the question mark, Marcus burst into my office making me shriek in surprise. It's midnight and he was supposed to be asleep 2 hours ago. "Just to let you know, the glass in my lamp broke". What? Evidently he was reaching for a mint and caught the cord. Another "accident". I yelled at him.  I'm so tired of yelling at him.