Bad Mom syndrome again

I felt like a bad mom again last night. When I got home after work, the puppy and Marcus both came at me guns a blazin' before I even put my purse down. I reacted by yelling at Marcus, "Can't I even get my purse down?!" and then walking away. But I pet the puppy and gave him a ton of attention.

Now I realize Marcus is 14. But he's a young 14 and he just wanted my attention. He's been amazing lately at school and at home. He's focused, getting his work done, even walking away from another kid who teased him - all unheard of just a few short weeks ago. And he's been doing his chores without us asking!

I did go back to him and ask about his day and tried to make up for the initial outburst, but still feel really guilty. I should be grateful he's still happy to see me at the end of the day and that he wants to spend time with me. My older kids wanted nothing to do with me when they were teenagers.

Does this mom guilt ever stop?

Procrastinating

I've been procrastinating doing some leg work for residential placement. I need to call Easter Seals to get Marcus set up for some evaluations and testing but I just stare at the phone number. He's been doing really well lately and my "you're a bad mom if you do this" voice is loud and constant. I'm supposed to be able to deal with my own child, right? He's not violent like the last time he went into placement so I am having a hard time justifying it. I don't even know any more that I should go through with it.

People say I should, but are they right? I keep seeing Marcus's face and imagining how disappointed he'll be that we are still working on residential. He's been working hard to avoid it and I think he will be crushed. That has to count for something, doesn't it?

Good times

We've been in a stable, even good, time of late. Marcus has been doing pretty well at school. It's a day by day thing. Most days, he does his work and stays out of trouble. Some days he might get a bit irritated, but has been able to recover before it gets to full blown tantrum.

At home, he's been on an upswing as well. Of course he's still 14 which means we get the neck and a lot of sassy attitude, but overall he's been pleasant. He's got some verbal tics that can be startling - he suddenly shouts nonsense words. But they're just tics. I'm pretty used to having weird noises. He's been doing his chores without too much complaint even.

Not sure whether this is a developmental thing and we have turned a corner or whether we are just in an upswing. Whatever it is, I'll take it.