It's worth repeating...Aaaaaaaah!
Marcus will be moving into residential placement this coming Tuesday. I feel like I got kicked in the stomach. I thought I had this handled. All the rationales were in place. Experts at OMH had determined that he was eligible for an RTF placement. The RTF itself admitted him. We went for an intake visit and Marcus has been for several very successful transition visits while we waited for a spot to open up. He knows kids there and his good friend from Crestwood is in another unit. They have a culinary program that he is totally looking forward to attending. He wants to go. I thought I was fine.
I felt guilty, of course. Guilty that, once again, "we" as parents couldn't give him what he needed to get his behavior under control. Guilty that secretly I was looking forward to him going in. Guilty that I am mad at him so much and that I am mad at my husband because it feels like he wants him to go in a little too much. But even with all this I was thinking I had things in much better hand than last time.
Then I got the phone call that there would likely be a bed this week or next. Boom. My stomach immediately went into knots and has stayed there since the call. My mood darkened and has also stayed there. I didn't go to a work meeting yesterday because I felt like I would be unnecessarily irritable and figured it was better to stay home. Now, though, I'm not wanting to go out at all. I forced myself to go to knit group last night which was good. I felt better afterwards for sure. Thanks Jenny.
Today the call came that the bed is ready and we have a move in date. The good news is it comes after Marcus's birthday on Sunday so we can celebrate that at home. It's all good news really. So why do I feel so awful?
Marcus will be moving into residential placement this coming Tuesday. I feel like I got kicked in the stomach. I thought I had this handled. All the rationales were in place. Experts at OMH had determined that he was eligible for an RTF placement. The RTF itself admitted him. We went for an intake visit and Marcus has been for several very successful transition visits while we waited for a spot to open up. He knows kids there and his good friend from Crestwood is in another unit. They have a culinary program that he is totally looking forward to attending. He wants to go. I thought I was fine.
I felt guilty, of course. Guilty that, once again, "we" as parents couldn't give him what he needed to get his behavior under control. Guilty that secretly I was looking forward to him going in. Guilty that I am mad at him so much and that I am mad at my husband because it feels like he wants him to go in a little too much. But even with all this I was thinking I had things in much better hand than last time.
Then I got the phone call that there would likely be a bed this week or next. Boom. My stomach immediately went into knots and has stayed there since the call. My mood darkened and has also stayed there. I didn't go to a work meeting yesterday because I felt like I would be unnecessarily irritable and figured it was better to stay home. Now, though, I'm not wanting to go out at all. I forced myself to go to knit group last night which was good. I felt better afterwards for sure. Thanks Jenny.
Today the call came that the bed is ready and we have a move in date. The good news is it comes after Marcus's birthday on Sunday so we can celebrate that at home. It's all good news really. So why do I feel so awful?
