Sigh

I haven't posted in a while because it felt like all I was doing was talking about all the things Marcus did wrong. I was waiting for a time when things smoothed out. Unfortunately, that time didn't come.

Today was a doozy. There have been a few of these of late. He rampaged through the building focusing on harassing his teacher. Spitting at him, poking him, pushing him, and pounding on his classroom door. He called me a few times but refused to talk about anything, even hanging up on me after calling me a bitch. Mortified doesn't really cover how I feel. Frankly, I'm feeling numb at the moment.

The paperwork has gone in for residential placement and the resultant change of school. I feel like we just have to hang on until this placement occurs, but the hanging on is difficult at best. I'm worried about how far Marcus might go. He told me that he did this today because we are neglecting him at home and that this is the only way he can get our attention. He went right for my heart on that one.

It hit me in the heart because he's not wrong. Neglect, no, but we basically try to get through each day with the least amount of drama. What results is that we don't go anywhere together and we sort of parallel play at home: Morris gaming, me knitting, and Marcus watching TV or gaming. His comment today makes me feel horribly guilty. It's all we can handle though.

Past my wit's end.