An answered prayer

By October 2007, my husband and I were over the line. What that line is I’m not sure, but we were over it. We barely made it through each day – two hours of in-home tutoring, work, taking turns restraining Marcus, in-home crisis intervention. It was all just too much. I had long past being able to cry. I prayed desperately for help every night. I’m not at all religious, in fact I don’t believe in religion, but I do believe in God. If I had any doubts, subsequent events erased them.

It seems now like everything happened all of a sudden. One day I was in desperation and the next, Marcus was in residential placement. I can’t remember now how long it actually took, but it was a matter of days. A CSE meeting was called and our waiver social worker agreed to go with me. I was so scared. I had met with a mother who had gone through similar circumstances and she had allayed some of my fears about residential. Still, I couldn’t get over the thought that it meant I was a terrible mother. I mean, he was only 10!

I went into the CSE not knowing what would happen. The chair was seasoned and surprisingly caring (not always my experience). She must have seen more in my face than I realized was there. In what seemed like minutes, she was telling me that Marcus could go into placement that very afternoon. They called Crestwood and they said to come over at 2:00 that day. We knew this might be possible and had prepared Marcus (we'd been for a tour; Marcus ran away from staff). He was unusually ready. Looking back now, I should have seen that as him telling us he needed this badly.

I drove home numb. Soon we were in the car with his suitcase and comforter.  Then we were in the housing unit and staff were showing me his room. Marcus made his bed, unpacked his suitcase and abruptly said, “Okay, you can go”. I looked at staff for guidance like I did when my kids went to kindergarten, “should I go now?” They indicated yes. Next Morris and I were in the car driving home. We were silent except for occasionally noting to each other how quickly he was ready for us to leave. We got home and sat on the couch. We stayed there for weeks.