I can't believe the whole school year has gone by since I last posted. There is no way to capture the ups and downs of this year in one post, but I'll try to give some you some idea.
Our two goals for this year were graduation and no jail. Given there are only a few days left in the school year, I think it's safe to say we accomplished one - no jail. Graduation is a much more complicated issue.
Marcus has all five Regents tests needed to get a diploma in New York State; no small accomplishment indeed. His schedule is such that all he has to do is pass his classes and he will have the 22 credits needed to graduate. He's simply not going to pass in time for a June graduation. With summer school, he may be able to graduate in August. So close, yet so far.
I have come to accept that he doesn't really want to graduate. It's not that he doesn't want the diploma. It's that he is so happy at East that he doesn't want to leave. As I mentioned in earlier posts, this is his first general education placement since kindergarten. Socially and emotionally, he has thrived. People like him, adults and kids alike. He has wonderful relationships with some of his teachers and other adults in the building (never mind that he knows them so well because he leaves class and wanders around the building chatting with them). He is developing some peer relationships - also a first. Everyone knows who he is because he is 7"2"! Kids are still stopping me to ask, "Are you that tall boy's mom?" I am very proud to say, "Yes, yes, I am!"
It breaks my heart to see that he doesn't want to leave East, but I understand. Talking to him about there being many future spaces where he will have friends hasn't made him kick in and do his work. His teachers have bent over backwards to offer him multiple ways to be successful. He just doesn't do the work. He is completely capable of doing it, he just doesn't.
He has definitely had behavioral issues. Our safety plan is that before he gets too agitated, he goes home; this has worked so that no horrible violent explosions have happened at school (at least from my perspective). He has thrown things, broken an exit sign, torn things off walls, and even spit on/toward people but this is nothing like what he's done before. He still does the thing where he sneaks up behind someone and scares them. He has also been a little "stalky" with two teachers he really liked. One asked for him to be removed from her room.
The main issue I've struggled with is that people don't believe me when I say Marcus can't help doing these things. They think I make it up, that I spoil him, and that I let him get away with everything. Even my husband is there right now. Staff have told him that Marcus never gets any consequences (they think he needs punishments like suspensions) because people are "afraid of your wife." This pisses me off to no end. It means they have not listened to me at all and they are not seeing my son, only a perceived power I am supposed to possess given my role as UR person in the EPO (see my other blog to find out what this is).
I finally hit the roof on this issue when Marcus ended up in the locked psych ward last week because he wanted to kill himself. Making it up am I?! He spun out around another episode where he threw something at a peer he's been struggling with for a while. He doesn't want to do these things, he knows it's wrong, he can't stop himself, he feels like it will never get better ... "I'd rather die." I sent a few rounds of terse emails and, once again, attached the literature on Tourette's. I even highlighted in yellow the sections describing what researchers call "rages." The text describes Marcus to the letter. People responded warmly to my stress; we'll have to see whether they got the point.
Again and again I have to fight for him. Why don't people believe mothers? I can't say often enough that I am not making this stuff up. Do they think I don't get how hard it is to work with Marcus? I live with him for God's sake!!! I get mad at him all the time, believe me. He steals and eats all my food all the time, will take money from my wallet if I forget to lock it up, makes ungodly noises ALL THE TIME. I get it. But being mad, taking stuff away, or any other traditional punishment does not stop him from doing any of this. It is not willful defiance. It's neurological.
I just wish I knew how to help him stop doing what he doesn't want to do. If I had that answer ...
Ending on a positive, here he is at his senior Prom :) What a handsome young man!
Our two goals for this year were graduation and no jail. Given there are only a few days left in the school year, I think it's safe to say we accomplished one - no jail. Graduation is a much more complicated issue.
Marcus has all five Regents tests needed to get a diploma in New York State; no small accomplishment indeed. His schedule is such that all he has to do is pass his classes and he will have the 22 credits needed to graduate. He's simply not going to pass in time for a June graduation. With summer school, he may be able to graduate in August. So close, yet so far.
I have come to accept that he doesn't really want to graduate. It's not that he doesn't want the diploma. It's that he is so happy at East that he doesn't want to leave. As I mentioned in earlier posts, this is his first general education placement since kindergarten. Socially and emotionally, he has thrived. People like him, adults and kids alike. He has wonderful relationships with some of his teachers and other adults in the building (never mind that he knows them so well because he leaves class and wanders around the building chatting with them). He is developing some peer relationships - also a first. Everyone knows who he is because he is 7"2"! Kids are still stopping me to ask, "Are you that tall boy's mom?" I am very proud to say, "Yes, yes, I am!"
It breaks my heart to see that he doesn't want to leave East, but I understand. Talking to him about there being many future spaces where he will have friends hasn't made him kick in and do his work. His teachers have bent over backwards to offer him multiple ways to be successful. He just doesn't do the work. He is completely capable of doing it, he just doesn't.
He has definitely had behavioral issues. Our safety plan is that before he gets too agitated, he goes home; this has worked so that no horrible violent explosions have happened at school (at least from my perspective). He has thrown things, broken an exit sign, torn things off walls, and even spit on/toward people but this is nothing like what he's done before. He still does the thing where he sneaks up behind someone and scares them. He has also been a little "stalky" with two teachers he really liked. One asked for him to be removed from her room.
The main issue I've struggled with is that people don't believe me when I say Marcus can't help doing these things. They think I make it up, that I spoil him, and that I let him get away with everything. Even my husband is there right now. Staff have told him that Marcus never gets any consequences (they think he needs punishments like suspensions) because people are "afraid of your wife." This pisses me off to no end. It means they have not listened to me at all and they are not seeing my son, only a perceived power I am supposed to possess given my role as UR person in the EPO (see my other blog to find out what this is).
I finally hit the roof on this issue when Marcus ended up in the locked psych ward last week because he wanted to kill himself. Making it up am I?! He spun out around another episode where he threw something at a peer he's been struggling with for a while. He doesn't want to do these things, he knows it's wrong, he can't stop himself, he feels like it will never get better ... "I'd rather die." I sent a few rounds of terse emails and, once again, attached the literature on Tourette's. I even highlighted in yellow the sections describing what researchers call "rages." The text describes Marcus to the letter. People responded warmly to my stress; we'll have to see whether they got the point.
Again and again I have to fight for him. Why don't people believe mothers? I can't say often enough that I am not making this stuff up. Do they think I don't get how hard it is to work with Marcus? I live with him for God's sake!!! I get mad at him all the time, believe me. He steals and eats all my food all the time, will take money from my wallet if I forget to lock it up, makes ungodly noises ALL THE TIME. I get it. But being mad, taking stuff away, or any other traditional punishment does not stop him from doing any of this. It is not willful defiance. It's neurological.
I just wish I knew how to help him stop doing what he doesn't want to do. If I had that answer ...
Ending on a positive, here he is at his senior Prom :) What a handsome young man!
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