Continued drama

Well we have continued the slide down this week. Marcus broke a pair of scissors and brandished them at his one-to-one aide, scaring her and everyone else. They called the police. While talking to the police, Marcus said he wanted to die. That ended up with a trip to the hospital for a mental health arrest. Of course, all they did was restrain him (he lost it) and keep him there for hours, and then send him back to the unit. Although, I have to say I'm glad they didn't take him to jail.

I'm so worried. Marcus is really struggling with suicidal ideation, it turns out. He told me that he decides everyday not to kill himself because he can't stand to leave me <tears>. I'm also worried that he is not understanding that the direction he is going will land him dead or in jail. With the Zimmerman verdict, I'm even more concerned that the police or some other crazy person will shoot him. Marcus doesn't yet understand what it means to be Black in this country.

I'm just all around worried. Worried about him hurting himself...about jail...about someone else hurting him. I have two upcoming meetings on the hill this week where I will express, once again, these worries, and insist that we push back his discharge until this stuff gets under control. Maybe "under control" is too hopeful, but something else has to happen before he comes home.