What were we thinking?!

It took me this long to give you updates on our home schooling decision. Sorry, but a lot has been going on. See my Life, Literacy, and Laughter blog to know what I have been doing at work.

Marcus moved home at the beginning of September. We had the CSE meeting that established his placement as "home instruction". We were assured that he could be on home instruction and get his diploma. We have two goals: keep Marcus out of jail and high school graduation with a Regents diploma. I know he may not go to college, but I want him to have choice. The NYS "local" diploma doesn't give the choice of college as an option because it isn't a diploma - only a certificate of completion. Our plan was that my husband Morris would do the additional three and a half hours a day of instruction (in addition to the two hours he would get from the district) to meet NYS requirements. We enlisted the help of a friend who is a certified teacher to help Morris since he is not a trained teacher. All was going well for a bit.

But, the honeymoon ended and we started seeing more aggressive behaviors from Marcus. And, the district started saying that he couldn't graduate from home instruction because it is a temporary thing. The good part is that Marcus has totally engaged with his tutor and has learned more content in these few months than he has in years. He got Bs on his last report card!

Unfortunately, the teaching proved too much for Morris. I didn't realize how embedded in the teacher mindset I am as a teacher educator and underestimated what he needed to do to figure it out. I pummeled him with materials thinking he would do what a teacher does - look at it all, find themes, develop projects and lessons, etc. Well, I learned that not everyone thinks that way. I even tried giving him an EngageNY module. I hate the modules because they are scripted, but that they are scripted might be useful to him. Not so much. He let me know that it wasn't going to work out. I was disappointed for sure, but understood.

We have a CSE meeting January 8th to figure out a new plan. My proposal will be to have Marcus go to East High School (now that my university will be running it) for a modified day and have Morris be the official one-to-one aide. I have gotten approval from the principal and the EPO Superintendent (see by other blog for explanation of this) of this plan. Now I just have to get CSE approval. No way I will let them set Marcus up for jail again!

It has been very difficult to have Marcus home full time and to have Morris only working a few hours a week at NEAD. Remember they both have Tourette Syndrome. Their relationship is getting better, close even, but there are flare ups when Marcus does his thing. We've had two violent episodes with some property destruction and some stealing of money and food. Marcus has a food obsession I don't understand. He has never been food deprived, but he obsesses about eating and will eat everything in one day. We now have a locked cabinet for food.

Between Hillside and the school district, there has been a steady stream of people in our house, something that is difficult for us since we tend to hole up and isolate. We have the tutor every morning, a family therapist weekly, a skill builder weekly, a social worker weekly, a parent volunteer weekly, and a services coordinator. And Marcus sees a therapist, also weekly. All of this is incredibly helpful, but it's quite a lot of coordination. Morris is handling this for which I am very grateful.

That's it for now. I'll let you know what happens at the CSE meeting this week.

Huge decision

After a lot of thought, we have decided to home school Marcus. This past year in residential has been very difficult. He was arrested four times in Spring semester alone. It became clear staff didn't like him. I'm not saying Marcus was innocent, he did terrible things. But jail was an inappropriate response. I will follow up with more detail later; I just wanted to give a quick update since it's been such a long time since I posted. Now you see why. 

Frustrations

Settling back into school and the cottage after the California trip has been touchy for Marcus. He's had a few incidents at school, including one where he threw a piece of plexiglass that cut a staff member. The good news is that they didn't call police and the man was not badly hurt, but the bad news is that wasn't the only incident.

After the great time on the trip, I am really frustrated with Marcus. He can clearly manage his behavior when he wants to, even when the stress is high. So to have so many incidents once we got back is difficult. There was even one incident where he broke a peer's glasses and kicked another peer an hour and a half after the re-entry meeting from a previous incident!! I'm at a loss.

The only thing he could identify as a possible source of his anxiety is the possibility of discharge and return to Halpern - both things he wants. Halpern has still not agreed to take him back mind you. They did agree to come to observe him and to talk to Hillside staff about how they have been working with him. That's good news, but does cause stress. Still, he doesn't seem to get that he can't jeopardize other people's safety no matter what stress he's under.

I'm concerned that he's not ready to transition back to Halpern. If a simple observation causes this much stress and acting out, how much would the actual change generate? I definitely feel pressure from Hillside about discharge though. I know they are under pressure from OMH, so it's not personal, but will be something I'll have to deal with. Part of me wants Marcus just to stay at Trahey (Hillside) for the rest of high school. They work well with him (reading to younger kids, for example), have a great school manager, and his one-to-one is awesome. If change would cause such havoc (and potential real damage), why push it? I am not interested in OMH's interest in saving money. My concern is the well-being of my son.

Going well

Just a quick update to let you know that Marcus is doing really well on the trip to California. The plane flight was uneventful. There was boredom for sure, but no worrisome behavior. Time with family has been great. He's still too loud and can get antsy and paces, but all has gone really well. He's been charming with my mother, helping her get around. He's like a different kid. So far so good. We have another two days and then we're back on the plane home. Keep your fingers crossed that the rest of the trip goes as well as it has so far.

Merry Christmas to all.

Three months in

Well, we are three months into the six months Marcus has been on the ACD. Mostly, he has avoided violence. He's had the few incidents I have already written about but no police. I'm hoping that this hard work with get noticed by Halpern, his home high school. So far, they are reticent to take him back. Maybe reticent is too light a word - they are not willing to take him back at this point. Although, I haven't heard lately whether his mostly positive behavior has changed their minds. I plan on contacting them myself after the holiday break to begin a conversation about his return.

Another piece of good news is that his usual one-to-one aide is back working with him. I'm so glad. She really cares about Marcus and knows his sweet side. Marcus says she's more distant than before though. I told him that's understandable given how he has treated her. Hopefully, he will earn back her trust.

... Just a brief update.

Hanging on

Marcus is white knuckling this six months until his court case is resolved. It's been two months and things have been sort of okay. But the last couple of weeks have been hard for him. He had an incident with his one to one where he held her in a room and grabbed her. A police report was filed, but no arrest. The poor woman was terrified. I feel terrible for her and am disappointed that they might not be working together anymore. She was wonderful.

And he really struggled with a peer. The kid's parents were upset enough to want to press charges against Marcus. I ended up having a meeting with them where both boys came to talk things through. We managed to avoid calling the police, but it was close. The father started to get pretty aggressive with me until I pointed out to him that I was doing everything possible. After all, my son is in residential placement (as is his). I left feeling glad that we avoided the police, but still felt really beat up.

Have decided to take Marcus home to California for Christmas. I know...what was I thinking?! Especially since my husband has to work and I'll be doing this on my own. I guess I felt like I can't just keep him in the house all the time and that it's been many years since he's seen his extended family. I'm mostly worried about the plane flight but plan on asking his doctor for some Valium or some other drug that will calm him for the flight. Wish me luck.

A cool thing

I just got an email from Marcus's clinician telling me that they have "discovered a hidden talent" in him. Evidently, he's been visiting another teacher's room to talk with her and she discovered his amazing reading ability and his vast reading interests. So, when he's appropriate, he goes into her room to read to the students. Wow. I find this really cool and heartening. Now that's the Marcus I see in there!