Huge decision

After a lot of thought, we have decided to home school Marcus. This past year in residential has been very difficult. He was arrested four times in Spring semester alone. It became clear staff didn't like him. I'm not saying Marcus was innocent, he did terrible things. But jail was an inappropriate response. I will follow up with more detail later; I just wanted to give a quick update since it's been such a long time since I posted. Now you see why. 

Frustrations

Settling back into school and the cottage after the California trip has been touchy for Marcus. He's had a few incidents at school, including one where he threw a piece of plexiglass that cut a staff member. The good news is that they didn't call police and the man was not badly hurt, but the bad news is that wasn't the only incident.

After the great time on the trip, I am really frustrated with Marcus. He can clearly manage his behavior when he wants to, even when the stress is high. So to have so many incidents once we got back is difficult. There was even one incident where he broke a peer's glasses and kicked another peer an hour and a half after the re-entry meeting from a previous incident!! I'm at a loss.

The only thing he could identify as a possible source of his anxiety is the possibility of discharge and return to Halpern - both things he wants. Halpern has still not agreed to take him back mind you. They did agree to come to observe him and to talk to Hillside staff about how they have been working with him. That's good news, but does cause stress. Still, he doesn't seem to get that he can't jeopardize other people's safety no matter what stress he's under.

I'm concerned that he's not ready to transition back to Halpern. If a simple observation causes this much stress and acting out, how much would the actual change generate? I definitely feel pressure from Hillside about discharge though. I know they are under pressure from OMH, so it's not personal, but will be something I'll have to deal with. Part of me wants Marcus just to stay at Trahey (Hillside) for the rest of high school. They work well with him (reading to younger kids, for example), have a great school manager, and his one-to-one is awesome. If change would cause such havoc (and potential real damage), why push it? I am not interested in OMH's interest in saving money. My concern is the well-being of my son.

Going well

Just a quick update to let you know that Marcus is doing really well on the trip to California. The plane flight was uneventful. There was boredom for sure, but no worrisome behavior. Time with family has been great. He's still too loud and can get antsy and paces, but all has gone really well. He's been charming with my mother, helping her get around. He's like a different kid. So far so good. We have another two days and then we're back on the plane home. Keep your fingers crossed that the rest of the trip goes as well as it has so far.

Merry Christmas to all.

Three months in

Well, we are three months into the six months Marcus has been on the ACD. Mostly, he has avoided violence. He's had the few incidents I have already written about but no police. I'm hoping that this hard work with get noticed by Halpern, his home high school. So far, they are reticent to take him back. Maybe reticent is too light a word - they are not willing to take him back at this point. Although, I haven't heard lately whether his mostly positive behavior has changed their minds. I plan on contacting them myself after the holiday break to begin a conversation about his return.

Another piece of good news is that his usual one-to-one aide is back working with him. I'm so glad. She really cares about Marcus and knows his sweet side. Marcus says she's more distant than before though. I told him that's understandable given how he has treated her. Hopefully, he will earn back her trust.

... Just a brief update.

Hanging on

Marcus is white knuckling this six months until his court case is resolved. It's been two months and things have been sort of okay. But the last couple of weeks have been hard for him. He had an incident with his one to one where he held her in a room and grabbed her. A police report was filed, but no arrest. The poor woman was terrified. I feel terrible for her and am disappointed that they might not be working together anymore. She was wonderful.

And he really struggled with a peer. The kid's parents were upset enough to want to press charges against Marcus. I ended up having a meeting with them where both boys came to talk things through. We managed to avoid calling the police, but it was close. The father started to get pretty aggressive with me until I pointed out to him that I was doing everything possible. After all, my son is in residential placement (as is his). I left feeling glad that we avoided the police, but still felt really beat up.

Have decided to take Marcus home to California for Christmas. I know...what was I thinking?! Especially since my husband has to work and I'll be doing this on my own. I guess I felt like I can't just keep him in the house all the time and that it's been many years since he's seen his extended family. I'm mostly worried about the plane flight but plan on asking his doctor for some Valium or some other drug that will calm him for the flight. Wish me luck.

A cool thing

I just got an email from Marcus's clinician telling me that they have "discovered a hidden talent" in him. Evidently, he's been visiting another teacher's room to talk with her and she discovered his amazing reading ability and his vast reading interests. So, when he's appropriate, he goes into her room to read to the students. Wow. I find this really cool and heartening. Now that's the Marcus I see in there!

Sliding downhill

Seems like we've been going backwards lately. Marcus got arrested the day after he turned sixteen. In New York State, that means he goes to adult jail and adult criminal court. He was in one of his usual tussles with staff during a tantrum and kicked a staff member. That staff member pressed charges. Marcus spent the night in adult lock up and had a court hearing the next day in front of Judge Yacknin. I can't even describe my feelings. I was panicked and stoic at the same time. No crying, just racing heartbeat. I worried all night.

The next day at court was horrible. Not because the result was bad (a postponement while I got a lawyer; they let Marcus out), but because of the whole process. As much as I hate to say it, we were with a parade of troubling humanity - rapists, harassers, drunk drivers... and there was my son. Despite being 6'8 now, he's just a boy, a young boy at that. When he saw me in the room, I actually thought he was going to smile and wave like I was an audience member at a school performance. I quickly gestured for him to be quiet.

In the end, after several court dates (equally horrible) and thousands of dollars, he received what is called an ACD (adjournment in contemplation of dismissal). What it means is that he had six months to behave after which the case will go away and his record expunged.  Six months is a VERY long time for Marcus. He's gone as long as two months without an episode, but six months?!  All I can really do is hope and pray. And continue our weekly plan for weekend visits. If he doesn't get into a restraint, he comes home Friday to Sunday. He can come home every Sunday no matter what. So far this plan seems to support him getting through a week.

Since the resolution, he's had a good two weeks, although he did hit a staff member in the back. He claims the staff member grabbed his book and called him a "bitch". Says he reported it but nothing happened. We've devised a plan for him to document any times he feels abused by staff so that we can see whether there is a pattern. I'm not sure whether there is, but after the staff pressed charges I wonder.

I wonder why someone who is paid to work with this population would consider pressing charges? I was especially concerned when Marcus said the man told him, "ha, now you're going to jail." What?! So now we're documenting, which I hope stops Marcus from acting out if someone does say something untoward.

So there you have it...why I haven't posted too much recently.